Stressed? Unhealthy? Unhappy? Here’s the fix…

Are you feeling stressed-out, unhealthy, unhappy or just in a funk?  Here’s why you might be feeling this way…

Many of us are unhappy and just can’t put a finger on what is making us sad, angry or unhappy. For most of us, when these feelings come up, it is because we are disconnected from ourselves and what we need. Often we are focused on fulfilling demands on our time and commitments to others that we fail to ensure that we are getting our own needs met. Here’s how to tune-in and find what YOU need.

I talk a lot about connecting to other people, but connecting to yourself and YOUR needs is just as important!  With the flurry of activity in our lives and our focus on doing what we are required to do (usually for other people), it is easy for us to stifle our needs — this causes us to become disconnected from ourselves.

There are four things that happen to us when we are disconnected from ourselves:

  1. We become unhealthy – When we say “no” to working out or eating healthy — or whatever else we do on a regular basis that helps us to feel healthy — we find that our bodies start to send us signals to care for ourselves, by making us feel unhealthy.  This can be a small signal like a headache or cold, but it can also be a red alert signal like increased blood pressure.
  2. We experience increased stress – When we focus on fulfilling responsibilities and obligations in our lives — and we silence the inner voice that is asking us to do what we need to do for ourselves.  This causes internal conflict between what we feel like we SHOULD do (usually for other people or our obligations to work/family) and what we NEED to do for ourselves.  When we continually push the snooze button on our needs, we experience increased stress.  This is our internal warning system alerting us to pay attention to what we need.
  3. We disconnect from those around us – When we find that we are not doing the things that we need for ourselves, we start to feel unhealthy and stressed-out.  This causes us to withdraw from those around us — especially when we find that people are asking us to do yet one more thing.  This is our self-protection kicking in by disconnecting from those around us to prevent even more stress and demands when we’re already feeling at our limit.
  4. We find that our inner child acts out – We all have an inner child that loves to play, engage with other people and do things that feed and nurture our spirit.  When we continually do things that are not fun and we focus on caring for other people while continuing to mute our own needs, this inner child will start sending messages to you.  If you do not hear the inner child requesting you to relax, play and enjoy life, you may find that your inner child starts to act out — usually at the most inopportune time! This will show up as being uncooperative or you may find that you are being harsh or rude to those around you — you may not even believe the words that are coming out of your mouth!  This is your inner child protecting you and telling you that it’s time for you to connect to yourself and do what you need to do for YOU.


Connecting to YOU:

Connecting to yourself is easy and can just take a few minutes every day for you to tune into what YOU need and figure out how to make sure that YOUR needs are getting met while you are also managing your responsibilities and caring for others.  Here’s a few check-in questions that you can ask yourself each day to make sure that you’re doing the things that YOU need:

  1. What do I need today? Find out what you need and either do the things that you need or find someone who can help you fill that need.
  2. Is there any area of my life that I am unhappy with?  If so, what can I do today to help unstick myself from this situation? (Remember if you continue to be stuck in an unhappy situation day after day, you are repeating unhappy every day).
  3. What can I do today to be more kind to myself? We are our own worst critics, so remember that with all of the negative thoughts that are running through our minds over the course of any given day, it is easy for us to get down on ourselves and focus on our flaws or shortcomings.  The fact is that YOU are the person who is with you all the time, every day.  You have the power to mute some of this negative thinking by focusing on what you have achieved and cutting yourself some slack.


Why is all of this important?

When you are tuned-in to what YOU need and are getting YOUR needs met, it is easier to connect with those around you — and connection is the key to success in work and in life.